Criteria of a counselor

Dear Readers

It is never easy to be a counselor. Some basic criteria a counselor should possess and upkeep include the following:

A trained, knowledgeable learner: In order to be able to help, a counselor must possess a recognized academic qualification as the first prerequisite to show that her counseling knowledge with regards to the history of counseling, various theories and beliefs, counseling skills and therapeutic methods have been acquired. She has to be a continual learner not only in counseling but also in areas of the current lives, social matters, culture beliefs and so on because any external knowledge gained is an additional niche to being a diversified counselor.

Sincere and honest: This is one of the most important criteria in terms of personal characteristic to become a counselor. A counselor must not pretend to care, she must be genuine, honest and sincere in facing the clients who need her help. By treating the clients as unwise and silly, it will hurt their feelings and create untrustworthy relationships. The counselor must be truly concerned and care from the bottom of her heart in order to help her clients effectively. The client will feel relax and open hence disclose his problems if he finds that the counselor is a trustworthy and secured person to talk to.

Responsible and accountable: It is important to be a responsible and accountable counselor. A counselor must present herself as a responsible entity, not only at home, at work, in society but in every aspect where she may be present and look upon by others. She must be a committed counselor who is aware of the consequences she may face and be accountable if there are wrong doings.

Congruence and empathy: To be able to see and feel how a client suffers is an important criterion in becoming a counselor. The counselor must show empathy and encourage her client to relax and trust her. She must stay congruence at all times and not allowing her personal experiences to interfere with the counseling.

Patience and sensitive: Clients can be depressed, emotional and weak yet destructive. A counselor must understand that she is present to help, to listen, to guide but not to transfer back more anger or negativity to the clients. She must not lose her patience to show temper onto the client or to allow countertransference to happen. She must be sensitive to the client's needs especially when it comes to his culture, social, history, causes of problems and family background.

Fair, non-judgmental and respect: A counselor should not judge the client whether he is a prisoner, juvenile delinquent, divorcee or the like. She must understand that everyone stands an equal chance to lead a healthy and happy life in this world. She should give her client a chance to present himself on his problems and allow him to make decisions on his choice and respect the choices. She must present herself with the right attitude to demonstrate her fair and respect to the client in to order to gain trust and show faith in client that he will be able to go through his problems.

Active listener: A counselor listens actively to her client. She observes his possible movement and gestures during counseling session. She must obtain sufficient rest before each counseling session in order to present herself at her best condition before the client.

Confidentiality: A counselor should maintain confidentiality of her client's story. She must abide to this ethical principle and keep the information strictly private and confidential, not to discuss it with families and friends.

Admit constraint and consult the seniors: When a counselor faces problems, she should call for help. No one counselor can be perfect and fit for all clients; so when she is confused in her cases, she should not continue the counseling sessions because the outcome could be detrimental.  

Adhere to counselor code of conduct: A counselor must not develop private relationship with her clients. She must have the integrity to uphold her professionalism and strictly standby the morals and ethics of the conduct.

Counselors are human beings, there are limitations to her abilities and capabilities. The successful counseling will be a two-way working relationship between the counselor and the client.

Charles Darwin - Evolutionary Theory - The Survival of the Fittest

Dear Readers

Marine Iguana
of Galapagos Islands

During my secondary school, I was very interested in biology and my favourite topic was Evolutionary Theory, The Origin of Species, Survival of the Fittest, and of course, my dream holiday destination was Galapagos Islands, my idol --- Charles Darwin!

I gave up biology while I was in college because I just could not digest all the names of the plants while attending the compulsory botany classes!

Well, back to Charles Darwin, I never know I will go through so many lessons in Psychology Counselling Course with his name appearing over and over, in almost all subjects! Charles Darwin's theory is applicable in both science and art faculties! 

When I was studying biology, all that I have learned about Charles Darwin was the Evolution of Species, how species evolved themselves due to their basic needs of food and shelters. Those species of animals best adapted to the environment survived and prospered, while those poorly adapted, died out. The strongest, the smartest, the fittest survived and continued on.

Yet now when I am studying "counseling", the same theory is interpreted from various perspectives that really fascinated me!

I read it in "Introduction to Learning and Behavior", the authors say that "a lot of people misunderstand evolutionary theory. The real driving force behind evolution is not survival of the fittest, but the reproductive advantage that accrues to those individuals possessing traits that are best suited to the environment".  The successful individuals are more likely to have offspring who inherit the successful traits from their parents, and are also more likely to survive and reproduce. As this process continues, generations after generations, the percentage of individuals possessing the successful traits increases while that with unsuccessful traits decreases. In this manner, the changed population differs so much from the initial population that it becomes a new species.

In Sociology, it is reasoned out as "people who could not successfully compete in modern society were poorly adapted to their environment and therefore inferior". The capitalists view that "those who rule do so because they are the most "fit" to rule, having won the evolutionary struggles that promote the 'survival of the fittest'".  The dominant concern of social change disciplines read "the continuous change from a simpler condition to a more complex state", this is a belief of biological evolutionary process that move populations of organisms toward increasing levels of biological complexity; and "survival of the fittest" means "struggle for existence".

Harriet, Charles Darwin's tortoise
(1830 - 2007)

In Psychology, the functionalists presume that creatures evolve in ways that favour survival. According to Charles Darwin's Natural Selection, physical features that help animals adapt to their environments are retained during evolution. Additionally, psychologists believe that emotional expressions evolved to communicate our feelings to others, which helps in survival.

The story of Charles Darwin's Evolutionary theory never ends here, I do hope that you can share your views on this topic with me.

Hobbies & Puzzles

Dear Readers

After a hard day's work, how do you relax your mind and body? What hobbies are you into? Many friends of mine love reading, travelling, movie, surfing net, dancing etc etc...

I like to get myself into "brain training" puzzles like solving sudoku, kakuro, word search, word puzzle, finding differences, challenging memory games, playing with magic cube and reading odd stuff like the one below. Surprising, these don't wear my energy out yet boost me with higher spirit!

7H15 M3554G3 53RV35 7O PR0V3 H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5! 1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5! 1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG 17 WA5 H4RD BU7 N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3 Y0UR M1ND 1S R34D1NG 17 4U70M471C4LLY W17H 0U7 3V3N 7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17, B3 PROUD! 0NLY C3R741N P30PL3 C4N R3AD 7H15.
PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F U C4N R34D 7H15.

Do share with me some interesting puzzles if you have them!

Learned Helplessness

Dear Readers

Any idea what Learned Helplessness means?

I had my Psychology of Learning class yesterday and the lecturer touched on this psychological condition which I wish to share with you.

Learned helplessness is a condition when a person learns to behave helplessly, despite the fact that an opportunity has been presented to him to escape from the unpleasant situation or obvious chances are given to restore or avoid any harmful circumstances; he would choose not to react because learned helplessness has prevented him from further action.

It can also be interpreted as "giving up", "it does not matter what I do", "I can't change the outcome", "all that I do is futile", "I am not competent" and so on.

A typical example of learned helplessness is a child who performs poorly in mathematics test. After the test, he will quickly feel that nothing he does will have any effect on his mathematics performance, hence when he faces future mathematical assignments, he may experience a sense of helplessness. This inaction may prevent him from overlooking the opportunities to changes.

Learned helplessness are associated with different psychological disorders including depression, loneliness, anxiety, phobias and shyness. There are deeper and detailed studies on these disorders and ways to cure them.

Some of the proven ways to treat learned helplessness are to free our mind, change the habits of our thinking to think positively, be optimistic and fill our minds with hopeful thinking.

Food & Entertainment

Dear Readers

I was busy catching up with my study and could not concentrate in churning out my blog lately. Good news that I finished my assignment this week so I am back in action now!

I went to Malacca again and my friend recommended a restaurant which I wish to share with you. It is called Restoran Nancy's Kitchen, located within walking distance from Jonker Street. They served nyonya food and nyonya kuih muih. Great food with reasonable price. I bought back nyonya dumpling too, yummy! When you are there and wish to try some food other than chicken rice ball, call 06-2836099 or 013-6183608. They are closed on Tuesday.

Yet another place I went lately was Restoran Rokaro. It is located opposite PJ Hilton. A restaurant with live bank and dance floor. They serve buffet lunch and dinner, choices of food are local, western and Japanese. For those who love oldies especially chinese/hokkien/cantonese songs, you would be sure to enjoy the atmosphere and cha-cha-cha all night long! Call 03-79562541 or 013-3228825 if you wanna book a table.

And lastly, a chinese restaurant famous of steamed talapia fish which is worth to try is the Restoran Lan Je, (oops....please pronounce it correctly, derived from chinese word 兰姐) located at Kota Damansara. Just to highlight that the restaurant is not air-conditioned. The waiting time is about 30 minutes to an hour. Call 012-3809391. They have other branches too including USJ Subang Jaya, call 012-5689391.

Do share with me if you come across decent food and entertainment outlets and Bon Appetit!

Schizophrenia movie based on true story

Dear Readers

Schizophrenia is a mental disorder characterized by the disintegration of thought processes and of emotional responsiveness. It is a complex illness that makes it difficult for the patients to:

• Tell the differences between real and unreal experiences
• To think logically
• To have normal emotional responses
• To behave normal in social situations

In general, genetic and environmental factors appear to play the roles that cause schizophrenia. It affects both men and women equally and it usually begins in the teen years or young adulthood, but it may begin later in life too.

There are 4 major types of schizophrenia.

Catatonic Type Schizophrenia is rare today. It was only reflected in the advanced stages of schizophrenia before current treatment methods were possible. Patients may show odd or extreme behavior and possibly catatonia. Their postures may be affected; some may imitate sounds or movements.

Disorganized Type Schizophrenia. The patients are disorganized in behavior and speech. They may wear strange clothing or perform irregular gestures.

Paranoid Schizophrenia. The patients hear voices, develop hallucinations and delusions. They may appear fairly normal until they become involved in arguments or become suspicious.

Undifferentiated Schizophrenia. With this type of schizophrenia, a person meets the criteria to be diagnosed with schizophrenia, but his symptoms are not consistent with any of the other forms of the illness.

Schizophrenia symptoms usually develop slowly over months or years. People with any types of schizophrenia have difficulty in keeping friends and working. They may also have problems with anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts or behaviors.

These are the initial symptoms:

• Irritable or tense feeling
• Difficulty in sleeping
• Difficulty in concentrating

And as the illness continues, problems with thinking, emotions and behavior develop, including:

• Lack of emotion (flat affect)
• Delusions - Strongly held beliefs that are not based on reality
• Hallucinations - Hearing or seeing things that are not there
• Loose associations & concentrations - the person tends to "jump" his thoughts between unrelated topics and cannot focus
• Bizarre behaviors
• Social isolation

Movies
There are many movies that you can watch to learn more about schizophrenia. Among all, I wish to recommend the movie A Beautiful Mind.

It is a 2001 American drama film based on the life of John Forbes Nash, a Nobel-Prize winning economist and mathematician.

John Nash is a mathematical genius who develops paranoid schizophrenia during university life and the movie is a detailed description of many aspects of his life, a close examination of his personality and motivations. It gives an interesting perspective on the stresses placed on personal and professional relationships by this severe mental illness of schizophrenia.

Watch the movie through this link http://youtu.be/7Sg4_ZQCC6o

Schizophrenia is a hard illness for loved ones to deal with. You can say that it is near unbearable for the person afflicted by it. There is no known way to prevent schizophrenia.

Call for help if:

• Voices are telling you to hurt yourself or others
• You feel the urge to hurt yourself or others
• You are feeling hopeless or overwhelmed
• You are seeing things that aren't really there
• You feel you cannot leave the house
• You are unable to care for yourself

Psychological personality traits

Dear Readers

Sharing with you knowledge about Type A and Type B Personalities.

Personality type refers to the psychological classification of different types of people. The common types are Type A and Type B.

The theory describes a Type A individual as ambitious, aggressive, business-like, controlling, highly competitive, impatient, preoccupied with his or her status, time-conscious, and tightly wound. He wants to achieve a big goal but he thinks that time is very limited and as a result, he develops the following behavior:

• Exaggeraed sense of time urgency: The type A always races with time and has a severe sense of time urgency. They can hardly relax, push themselves with deadlines and hate both delays and ambivalence. If they sit without doing something useful they may end up feeling guilty.

• Competitiveness: The type A is a very competitive person and considers everything to be a challenge. He is challenging with high spirit at the circumstances that led to his insecurities and everything else that stands in his way.

• Multitasking: Type A people are often high-achieving "workaholics" who multi-task yet performing well at them all. These tasks are usually a huge list that they plan for themselves.

• The price for over achievement: Over achievement does not come for free. Type A people are subject to tremendous amount of stress. Their life styles are the main causes of the stress they suffer from.

The theory describes Type B individuals as perfect contrast to those with Type A personalities. Type B people are generally patient, relaxed, easy-going and at times lacking an overriding sense of urgency, hence less competitive and lower at risk.

Because of their characteristics, Type B individuals are often described as apathetic and disengaged with the following behavior:

• Relaxed by nature and has no sense of time urgency so tend to be a patient person. Have no problems relaxing or sitting without doing anything.
• May delay the work to the last moment and don't get stressed that easily.
• Less competitive and non-hostile.
• More genuinely easy-going.

I am a combination of both. What about you?

Pets

Dear Readers

Do you rear pets at home?

What are your choices when it comes to rearing pets? Which are the most popular pets reared in Malaysia? Apparently we do not have such statistics, or even if we have, they are definitely not updated nor are they accurate because many pets are not registered with the Authority and many pets "do not need" to be regsitered.

The more common pets reared in Malaysia are dogs, cats, birds, fish, rabbits, hamsters and turtles.
How about rare species like snakes, chameleons? And I believe every kid or even adult wishes to rear panda, koala, "Garfield", tigers (tamed ones perhaps)....and many more if we are allowed to.

My imaginery pet will be a "buffalo" though I do not know much about its habits. I may need to get a huge field for such impractical big-sized pet, not in the city for sure.

To me, rearing pets means having another family member at home. However, this member is so unique because it never grows to be independent. We are responsible for the bringing up of our pet, from food to hygiene to medical care to pet activities. The responsibilities we carry vary depending on the types we adore. There is abundant knowledge we need to engross ourselves into before we start this hobby.

For fish, we need to monitor the pond or aquarium water temperature, pH, alkalinity and hardness, to understand which are the species compatible/incompatible, to provide the right types of food for coloring or for growth, to constantly maintain a good quality water environment for successful rearing and breeding, just to name a few. I know those who rear fishes in big ponds, they have own stand-by generators for emergency use during power failure.

For dogs and cats, we may need to get them regular vaccination, castration if necessary, heartguard as monthly protection, the right shampoo, perfume, food; we may also send them for training to be obedient and learned some tricks.

For turtle, we need to keep their shells clean by brushing their "green algae" regularly, and train ourselves to be very patient when it comes to strolling with our turtle!

For rabbits, anyone? How about hamsters? I have reared a wild rabbit before for about 2 months, given by a friend who found it wandering outside the jungle. I sent it back to the jungle because it just could not fit to our city life. It dug holes everyday at my small garden and would not allow my children to hug her. As for hamsters, WoW!! is the key word because they breed so fast and so many! I gave up too!

Some people have phobia when it comes to animals. I have a friend who jumps up when a cat approaches her. Yet I saw another screaming and yelling when she was approached by a "fake" snake! Cartoons portray women go hysterical to the sight of mice/rats.

The phobia of:
cat - Ailurophobia
dog - Cynophobia
snake - Ophidiophobia or Snakephobia
spider - Arachnophobia
wild animal - Agrizoophobia
insect - Insectophobia
cockroach - Katsaridaphobia
mice - Musophobia

Rearing pets is fun, yet educational. So, before you engage yourself in this hobby, think twice if you are ready for the possible responsibilites? how well do you know your animal? is there any member in your family or neighbourhood who have phobia for the pet you adore? do you have time for your pet? are you financially sound for its bringing up including its offspring? are you patient enough to handle the pet? and so on and so forth...

I wish everyone all the best to the path of rearing pets.

The stories of apples

Dear Readers

There are 3 stories about Apples.

The first apple story brings us back to the Book of Genesis which talks about Adam and Eve and the Forbidden Apple. I am very certain many of us know this story well.

The second apple story is equally popular, it is about the Apple that dropped on the head of Sir Issac Newton and hence he discovered the brilliant Universal Law of Gravitation. The Apple was accelerated from zero velocity to the ground due to a force called the gravity.

And the third apple story is about Steve Jobs, the co-founder of Apple Inc., the visionary and creative genius behind the iPhone, iPad and the iPod. One of his famous quotes being "Stay hungry, stay foolish" --- always consider yourself foolish and unknown to knowledge so that you will continue to have the curiosity to acquire the knowledge.

Sir Issac Newton, the English physicist, mathematician, astronomer, natural philosopher, alchemist and theologian, he has been considered by many to be the greatest and most influential scientist who ever lived. Steve Jobs, the American computer entrepreneur and innovator, a visionary, pioneer and genius in the Computer World.

Even though the Apples are gone now, they have improved our world with their infinite innovations and inventions that forever enrich our lives.

Lastly, let us not forget the English idiom - "An apple a day keeps the doctor away".

Shall we have an apple today?

A little good news today

Dear Readers

Yes, a little good news brightens my day!

Could it be possible that we wake up one day and find that there is no news to read? No newspaper, no news on TV, msn, facebook, google, anywhere you name it, you cannot find news! Wow!!! I will sure feel very lost in this world.

There is an oldie released in 1983 sang by the Canadian country music artist Anne Murray which I love to listen and wish to share with you ---- A Little Good News.

Click to this link http://youtu.be/zqUUQElQ8kM and enjoy this relaxing moment.

Chorus: Nobody robbed a liquor store on the lower part of town, nobody od'ed nobody burned a single building down, nobody fired a shot in anger, nobody had to die in vain, we sure could use a little good news today.................  Nobody was assassinated in the whole Third World today, and in the streets of Ireland, all the children had to do was play, and everybody loves everybody in the good old USA, we sure could use a little good news today.

Share your little good news to your friends, it does make a difference.

 

What is NOT counselling?

Dear Readers

Today I went to Agape Counselling Centre Malaysia at Taman Petaling Utama. There are 3 registered counsellors and they provide one-to-one counselling and/or therapy sessions for public who need help. Per session costs RM60, lasts 45-60min. The preferred medium of communication is Chinese.

Malaysian Psychology Centre at Taman Desa also provides professional consultation sessions for children, adolescences, adults, couples and individual on problems we may face in our daily lives. They conduct regular courses on various types of therapies such as Sandplay, Stress Management etc. Gosh! We can never finish learning, can we?

A month ago I had my first counselling class and here I wish to share with you: My lecturer said to learn counselling is to first learn what is NOT counselling.

Counselling is NOT advising, simply telling people what to do; solving people's problems; analyzing problem and giving interpretations; giving a pep talk; making people dependent on us; just listening; information giving; influencing attitudes, beliefs and behaviours by persuasion, compelling or threatening.

It was really "start from the "Zero" beginning" for me; a time to ponder into deeper thought about counselling. So how much do we actually understand by the word "counselling"?

Maids in Malaysia

Dear Readers

It is such a fulfilling day for me, with many happenings.

A friend faces problem with maid; I suppose almost every well-off family or a family with both working parents in Malaysia owns a foreign maid. The huge differences between the families and the maids in terms of culture, religion, communication, living habits create various issues in the homes and the societies.

In Malaysia, I see that we are a problematic prejudiced society against foreign workers. One reason that the foreign workers are treated so poorly is the perception that they come from less developed countries than ours and are psychologically associated to be of a lower class. I hope we could learn to gain respect from one another and work together in a healthy environment.

I am sure you do have a story to share about maids, or foreign workers.

Although there is no immediate solution to the topic but with options such as home-based jobs, living with in-laws, well-managed baby-sitter centres, possibly more educated and trained helpers, acceptance of various jobs by the locals, we may reduce the issues to a minimal.

Have a good rest for now.

A choice between Australia and UK?

Dear Readers

How did your Monday go so far? I find that I am multi-tasking again. I believe everyone does the same. So all humans are equal, agree to that?

I brought my elder girl to enquire about university enrolment, it is either UK or Australia that she is considering. Surprisingly that many colleges in Malaysia do not offer Degree in Economics, twinning or transfer are of limited choices too. Our next visit will be to HELP and Nottingham to explore further.

The day just passed by too fast for me. I need more time everyday. What should I do to gain time? Once a friend advised "just wake up an hour earlier each day!". Oh well, good suggestion but I love my sleeping hours so I shall think of another option. How about suggestions from the Readers?

Crowded Malacca

Dear Readers

I went to Malacca yesterday and was exhausted when I got back at night. I didnt manage to drop a few lines then.

It was extremely hot in Malacca. In fact, the weather in Malaysia is always hot and sunny! I felt like being roasted though I did carry an umbrella. Apparently it didnt help much! I queued for 30 minutes to taste the famous chicken hainan rice ball which turned out to be OK...... There were many stalls selling fancy bites and souvenirs at Jonker Walk. I didnt walk much, just strolled pass a few stalls and couldnt wait to get back to the air con!

Later I went to the seaside and well, there will be massive development along the sea front. My friend runs the Sunset Bistro at Klepang Besar which was located at its best facing the sea and we had good chat over the lives in Malacca.

Historical Malacca, indeed there are many tourist attractions worth for us to visit, a ride on the trishaw and a snapshot in front of the Red Square does prove that you have been to Malacca!

I believe many of us visited Malacca before, how about those who have not? Isnt it time to pay a visit?

First weekend -- rainy afternoon

Dear Readers

October 1, 2011. What a nice number for today's date.... my favourite numbers being 1 and 7. Today is a lovely day... it begins with my friend, she sms to say that her back pain has gone, she has good spirit everyday and that cheers me up too! Lets continue to pray for good health for all the needy.

Every Saturday I have classes to attend. The discussion this morning was on the assignment on Children with Special Needs. Anybody who has the knowledge about Malaysian Eduational System for Children with Special Needs do drop a few lines to share.

So, how do you wish to spend your weekends? Do you actually put aside all your work and simply relax? I often wonder how life was hundreds years ago?